Glimps from my Past

Glimps from my Past

I was listening to the album of Lady Antebelium, when  one of their song catches my full attention and drag me deviously to reminisce my past relationship , particularly on time of our breakup . There is one specific guy that I must say left a huge scar in my heart. I never thought what love is all about untill I found him,  sa kanya ko naramdaman ang tunay na meaning ng Love.

I love him unselfishly, we where like good friends and lover at the same time, I think he love me most ( assuming lang :) ), kasi akala nya di ako marunong magselos na ok lang sa akin na maging super friendly sya sa ibang mga babae, di lang nya alam na gusto kung sabunutan ang buhok ng mga babaeng umaaligid sa kanya, but i trust him and i think it is enough para di nya gawin ang bagay na ayaw ko, I like it when he brag to his friends na ako ang GF nya, nakakakilig and he is sweet too, pero lahat talaga ata ng good thing me ending.

It was year 2001 middle of the month of April, I just graduate from college, being eldest in the family, the pressure is high, and the responsibility to return back the favors to your parent is a mandatory obligation with out any question, with the pressure I am having with my family, pressure to get a job as soon as possible,  plus people around us speculate that we will get married after I graduate, his parents even  talk me about that, that we should not be in a hurry, I was like ( with my wide eye and open mouth ) what the, I just bit my tongue out of respect.. quite disappointed with them honestly, kasi  wala sa utak ko na pagpapakasal ang next chapter ng buhay ko after I graduate.

After his parent talked to me, My parents also bugging me to be back in Manila ( as I was staying with my grandparent in province during my college days ) and get a job so I could help them for my other sibling educational expenses, plus the pressure I am having looking for a job, parang I can't breath.. tapos parang He hold my hand tight, it is not that tight naman kaso parang ang daming nakahawak sa akin pinag aagawan.. Bumitaw ako sa kanya,I choice my family. Ayoko muna ng hassle sa love life.. need ko mag focus para sa magulang ko.. it’s payback time and alam kung hirap rin sila at kailangan nila ako full time.. walang kaagaw.

I gave him up, tandang tanda ko pa yung araw na yun, he ask me kung mahal ko pa ba sya, kung me nagawa ba sya, he says sorry if minsan nabaliwala nya ako.. but I am determine with my plan, umiiyak ako nung umalis sya, I know he cried that time, … I wanted to tell him na kung nabasag ko ang puso nya, nadurog naman ang sa akin, namatay ng tuluyan nang binitawan ko sya. I try to get rid of the pain, sinubok na e focus ang utak sa work, pero andun pa rin sya lalo na sa gabi pag tahimik na at hindi na busy ang utak ko.

Sumubok akong pumasok ulit sa pakikipag relasyon nang nakahanap ako ng  matatag na work, pero di ako lubusang nagmamahal, kaya di tumatagal, sinubok kung tabunan, baka sakaling mawala.. baka sakaling makalimot ang puso.. pero wala sa mga napili ko ang pumalit sa pagmamahal na kayang ibigay ng puso ko sa kanya.Ang hirap pala mag sagwan palayo kung me nakatali sa bangkang gamit mo, umuusad man pero paunti unti lang. Ang tagal kung nagmahal sa kanya kahit di ko sya hawak, kuntento nang makibalita kung ano na nangyari sa kanya. Sayang kung sana nagkatagpo kami nang landas bago ko  makilala ang taong nakapagbura ng lahat ng nararamdaman ko sa kanya... siguro ... siguro lang naman ha.. baka kami ang nagkatuluyan.